SCP-6369 & SCP-2050

NOTES:

6369 Suggested by Lewis Krummen on Spotify.

Go look at the article on the wiki to see Iroh in his little hat. Please do this.

I realized 6369 was going to be too short for the main feed and I loved it so much I had to share it with as many people as possible, so I went looking for more silly rodent SCPS.
I have modified the script so no rats are harmed because that would be antithetical to the spirit of the episode.

SC. 1- WHO YA GONNA CALL? RATS

NARRATOR

Item #: SCP-6369

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures
SCP-6369 is held in a standard containment locker. Requests for usage of SCP-6369 can be submitted to the Site Director of the Foundation facility nearest to the requestor's intended location. Personnel are reminded that typical usage of SCP-6369 requires payment ranging from $2 to $30 USD in value; as such, personnel should prepare currency or alternative food items of similar value prior to engaging with SCP-6369.

Description: SCP-6369 is a Nokia 3310 mobile phone, with a single number saved in its contacts list. While the phone can be used to dial other numbers, none of the calls will connect.

The contact listed in SCP-6369 is named 'Rat lost and found'. This agency's "employees" are hereafter referred to as SCP-6369-A.

Initiating a call to this contact connects the caller with an automated selection system, which will ask a series of questions inquiring about a lost personal possession. The caller is prompted to provide information on which item they need found, where they believe they may have lost it, and what form of payment will be given for its recovery. Of note, certain conditions are required for SCP-6369-A services to be available.

If these conditions are not met, SCP-6369 will not provide questions, and will instead play a prerecorded message apologising for the inconvenience before ending the call.

The conditions for activating the SCP-6369-A service carousel are as follows

-The item is actually lost to the owner, instead of intentionally hidden. The caller cannot deliberately ''lose'' the item. This includes asking a second person to hide an object for them.

-The item was lost within the last 24 months.

-The item does not weigh more than 5 kg.

-The area that the lost item is present in is devoid of rodent traps.

-The area that the lost item is present in is devoid of predator animals (snakes, cats, birds of prey, etc.).

-The caller has payment readied before placing the call.

-SCP-6369-A personnel are not currently active in an alternate location.

-The call is placed on a weekday.

If these conditions are met, an SCP-6369-A associate will manifest outside of the building the SCP-6369 call was placed from, within 30 minutes of calling. SCP-6369-A appear as a variety of fancy rats (Rattus norvegicus domestica), all seemingly directing (or driving) an autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner1 (typically, the Roomba series). They will use the aforementioned vacuums to ''knock'' on the door of the building by bumping into it.

SCP-6369-A vary in which brand of robotic vacuum cleaner they bring, what breed of rat they are, and what kind of coat the rat has. The number of SCP-6369-A that manifest is dependent on the size of the building the call is placed from. Items lost in small apartments typically result in a single rat appearing. The largest noted response involved 60 rats, accompanied by 10 vacuums, in order to search a school building.

SCP-6369-A, upon arriving onsite, will proceed to dismount their vacuums and search for the item specified as lost. Upon the item being found, the rat or rats will place a call to SCP-6369, and carry the item to its owner, holding said item in their mouths or using their front paws to carry heavier objects. After the item is returned, SCP-6369 rings again, and an automated voice message will request a service payment ranging from 2 to 30 US dollars. Of note
Should a caller not provide payment to SCP-6369-A, they will leave without issue; however, SCP-6369 will no longer function for that individual should they attempt to place further calls.

SC. 2- THE RAT ECONOMY
NARRATOR

Experimental results for recorded payments accepted by SCP-6369-A are listed below.

Items accepted as payment in any format: Legal currency (paper money and coins), carrots (frozen, raw and cooked), lettuce, tomatoes, blueberries, and Yogies!-brand treats.

Items that require preparation to be accepted: Chicken eggs (boiled for at least 8 minutes), chicken (cooked and unseasoned), fish (cooked and unseasoned), walnuts (cracked), beef (boiled, unseasoned), and melons (cut into parts).

Items that hold increased value with higher quality: pet rodent dry food, ham, salami, turkey and Cheese. More expensive types of cheese usually require a lower volume payment, but multiple rats answering a call will usually only accept food in payment if it can be shared among them evenly.

Rejected items: Citrus fruits (likely due to potential health risk for male rats), office supplies ( pens, pencils and desk accessories), caffeinated beverages ( coffee, tea, sodas), high-value items (gold watches, cellphones, etc.), and products associated with animal testing.

SC. 3- LET RATS DO IT FOR YOU
NARRATOR
SCP-6369 case studies of particular note are listed below.

Caller: Dr. Langford
Lost Item: Dr. Langford's keys, lost in her office.
SCP-6369 Response: One rat (grey dumbo), searched for 15 minutes.
Payment Given: One whole strawberry

Caller: Dr. Marisa Norwood
Lost Item: Dr. Norwood's notebook, lost somewhere in Site 19-23
SCP-6369 Response: 20 rats of varying breeds on 4 vacuum cleaners, spread out after reaching the centre of the building, searched for 1 hour and 38 minutes.
Payment Given: 30 dollars in paper bills

Caller: Dr. Arthur Hackett
Lost Item: Dr. Hackett's eyeglasses. Lost somewhere in Site 19-23.
SCP-6369 Response: 17 rats on three vacuums, searched for 38 minutes
Payment Given: 34 blueberries, two per rat

Caller: Dr. Veritas
Lost Item: Dr. Veritas' coffee cup. Most recently seen Site 19-23 Breakroom cabinet.
SCP-6369 Response: 30 rats on four vacuums, searched for 1 hour and 40 minutes. Of note, the coffee cup was broken into four pieces and seemed like someone tried to crudely glue it back together, leading Dr. Veritas to believe that someone broke the cup and attempted to hide it.
Payment Given: A watermelon, cut into parts to be divided between the rats

Caller: Senior Researcher Laura Michalson
Lost Item: Senior Researcher Laura Michalson's lunch, an apple, a pear, and a peanut butter sandwich. Lost from the breakroom fridge.
SCP-6369 Response: 10 rats of varying breeds on 2 vacuum cleaners, 5 minutes. Found in Dr. Arthur Hackett's personal fridge in his office.
Payment Given: The apple and pear from Senior Researcher Laura Michalson's lunch, peeled from peels and cut into pieces to share over the 10 rats.

Caller: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Lost Item: Maintenance Technician Johnson's 15mm combination wrench, most recently seen location unknown
SCP-6369 Response: One rat, which immediately climbed up M.T. Johnson's left leg and produced the wrench from one of his pockets.
Payment Given: Five peas.

SC. 4- THE FACT WE CAN'T SHOW THE RAT'S HAT IS CRIMINAL

Addendum SCP-6369-1
As of most recent observations, it was noted that SCP-6369 will sometimes contract the same rat multiple times if the caller has had prior pleasant interactions with said rat. In the case of SCP-6369-B, additional unique behaviors were observed.

SCP-6369-B is a black smooth-coated dumbo rat (identified by a white spot on its belly) that initially appeared in front of the containment locker of SCP-6369 after it had been used 20 times since initial containment. Standard screening indicated no anomalous qualities; the rat was assigned to Junior Researcher Perry's office due to her familiarity with the care of its apparent species.

It was noted that SCP-6369-B manifested wearing a miniature headset. It will not resist the headset being taken off, but the headset itself appears to be non-functional. SCP-6369-B will, however, resume wearing the headset after the device is returned. It is believed that the headset is an indication of authority and/or seniority. Upon subsequent uses of SCP-6369 pertaining to larger search areas, SCP-6369-B was noted to disappear from its cage while SCP-6369-A was active in a nearby location. It would then appear at the active search site, and seemingly direct the other rats' tasks using squeaking and limb gesturing. SCP-6369-B was also noted to handle the distribution of food rewards among all present SCP-6369-A. SCP-6369-B will always reappear in its Foundation holding cage after the SCP-6369-A task is complete.

Interview Log SCP-6369-B-1

Interviewed: SCP-6369-B

Interviewer: Junior Researcher Evangeline Perry (assigned caretaker of SCP-6369-B)

Foreword:
Upon SCP-6369-B's initial appearance in front of SCP-6369's containment locker, it attempted to get the attention of nearby personnel. After displaying comprehension of human speech, SCP-6369-B was brought into an interview room outfitted with standard communication assistance tools, including a keyboard. SCP-6369-B displayed interest in the keyboard and was placed near it; the keys pressed by SCP-6369-B were placed into a text-to-speech program.

Begin Log.

SFX- RAT JUMPING AROUND ON A KEYBOARD. There should be key tapping sounds when it speaks.

PERRY
Can you tell me your name?

SCP-6369-B
IROH

PERRY
Thanks. Okay Iroh, are you part of the "Rat Lost and Found" program?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
Why do you do it?

SCP-6369-B
(Excited)
GOOD CLEAN RATS FIND STUFF RATS GOOD CLEAN

PERRY
Because you want people to know rats are clean?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
So you're helping people find things so they remember rats as good?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
I see! Well, you're doing a great job, people here really appreciate what you do.

SCP-6369-B
RATS GOOD

PERRY
Did you have a human companion before?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
Do you know where they are now?

SCP-6369-B
NO

PERRY
Were they the ones who taught you to find lost items?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
Did they teach you anything else?

SCP-6369-B
YES

PERRY
Can you show me?

NARRATOR
SCP-6369-B rolls over, walks 30cm on its hind legs, jumps up, spins around its own axis and looks at Jr. Perry. Perry, having been supplied with treats prior to the interview, presented SCP-6369-B with a piece of apple. SCP-6369-B accepted the snack and started consuming it. The interview continued when SCP-6369-B finished.
Sfx- Rat munching on apple, little rat feet and squeaks.

PERRY
So why are you here?

SCP-6369-B
GOOD GOOD

PERRY
Is it good here? You want to stay here?

SCP-6369-B
YES MORE RATS FIND STUFF GOOD

PERRY
I'd love that! I'll have to ask, but I can make arrangements for a nice big cage and some toys. Would you also like a friend?

SCP-6369-B
(Excited)
PLEASE

PERRY
You didn't eat all the apples. …Are you going to leave the apple peel?

SCP-6369-B
YES

NARRATOR
End Log.

SCP-6369-B has taken up permanent residence in the office of Jr. Researcher Perry, in a 1m x 60cm x 70cm rodent cage. It was given a non-anomalous fancy rat to keep it company. Of note is that SCP-6369-B and the rat accompanying it in its cage do not show signs of aging, despite the common short life span of rats in domestication and in the wild.

Addendum SCP-6369-2.

SCP-6369 was initially acquired from a second-hand electronics shop. Sales records indicate that the item originally belonged to "Mr. Adrian Silverton", an elderly retiree, who passed away in 2019. Family members, when questioned, described the individual as an advocate against the negative stigma associated with pet rats, as well as an amateur software app developer. A subsequent search of the family's residence uncovered a side room filled with empty small mammal cages; family members confirmed that up to his passing, Adrian Silverton ran an animal sanctuary for surrendered pet rats. The family members claimed that all of the rats "disappeared when Grandpa Silverton passed away."

[AD BREAK]

SC. 5. REEPICHEEPCORE

NARRATOR 2

Item Number: SCP-2050

Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2050 has officially been relocated to Site 118's Biological Environment Containment Zone. SCP-2050's biological environment zone is to mimic a deciduous forest resembling those that can be found in the United Kingdom.

The Foundation is to maintain one official envoy to SCP-2050 that can be contacted if necessary by SCP-2050. Said envoy is to remain neutral in all affairs involving SCP-2050, and is only to comment on events that directly affect the Foundation.

Description: SCP-2050 is a designation for the "Sciurine (Pron. Sigh-ur-in) Monastic Brotherhood of Poor-Fellows and Crusader Knights," a monastic knightly order mostly composed of sapient members of the Sciurus vulgaris (Pron. Sigh-ur-us Vul-ger-us) species, more commonly known as red squirrels, although the organization claims that "all righteous squirrel brethren are welcome."

Individual members of SCP-2050 (currently designated as SCP-2050-1-1 through SCP-2050-1-209) are equipped in armor resembling that found during the First Crusade. Metal for this armor is currently supplied by the Foundation, in order to maintain good relations with SCP-2050. In addition, SCP-2050 members are also equipped with weapons and other equipment present during the First Crusade.

SCP-2050-1 instances are genetically identical to non-anomalous members of the Sciuridae (Pron. Sigh-ur-ih-day) family, though SCP-2050-1 instances are capable of speech, and demonstrate some higher functions associated with sapience. However, SCP-2050-1 instances are unable to focus on complex tasks for long periods of time, and often lose interest in tasks before completion.

Members of SCP-2050 maintain that their order can trace its lineage back to the First Crusade, circa 1096 CE. SCP-2050-2 maintains that SCP-2050 was created in order to combat the influence of "heresy and blasphemy."

SCP-2050 was originally housed in a stone citadel in Galloway Forest Park, Scotland. The citadel heavily resembled a citadel that was located in the region before being torn down circa the 12th century CE.

SCP-2050-2 is a designation for the "Grand Master of the Brotherhood," the leader of SCP-2050, currently a 4-year-old red squirrel named "Grand Master Robert Dunfeld, Master of the Order, Marshal of the North, and Duke of the Sciurus." SCP-2050-2 is identifiable by its plumed helmet.

SCP-2050-3 refers to the leader of "House Bushtail," a noble house of red squirrels that comprises roughly half of the membership of SCP-2050. Members of House Bushtail possess a characteristic streak of dark fur running down their dorsal side. SCP-2050-3 is considered to hold de facto control over members of House Bushtail. SCP-2050-3 is currently a 3-year-old red squirrel named "Sir Casper Bushtail, Duke of the Bushtail Sciurine, Master of Horse, and Knight of the Woodland Order."

SCP-2050-4 refers to the leader of "House Acornfist," a noble house of red squirrels that comprises most of the other half of the membership of SCP-2050. Members of House Acornfist do not possess the fur pattern found in members of House Bushtail. SCP-2050-4 is considered to hold de facto control over members of House Acornfist. SCP-2050-4 is currently a 3-and-a-half-year-old red squirrel named "Sir Hugh Acornfist, Duke of the Acornfist Sciurine, Lord of the Arbor, and Knight of the Leafy Order."

Externally, SCP-2050 maintains a policy of extreme hostility towards any and all members of the genus Rattus, commonly known as the Rat family. SCP-2050-1 instances will seek to kill any member of this genus on sight. Aside from this, SCP-2050 currently maintains a policy of isolation, and containment of SCP-2050 is to focus on preventing outside awareness of SCP-2050.

Internally, SCP-2050 is politically unstable. SCP-2050-2 maintains little power over either house that comprises SCP-2050. According to SCP-2050-2, 2 civil wars have occurred in the past due to disagreements between the leaders of the two houses, leading to extreme diminishing in the number of members of SCP-2050.

SCP-2050 Acquisition:
SCP-2050 came to the Foundation's attention when members of SCP-2050, led by SCP-2050-3, were discovered attempting to besiege a nearby city. Members of SCP-2050 had actively attempted to seek out and kill as many other rodents in the area as possible. The heads of these rodents were discovered mounted on pikes in front of an encampment that SCP-2050 had constructed.

According to members of SCP-2050, a decree by SCP-1845-1 had inspired the organization's attempt to "conquer the holy land, for the honor of the king."

Following a joint siege by the Foundation and elements of the GOC, SCP-2050 was convinced to surrender and enter Foundation containment, in return for a supply of food and metal. Requests by SCP-2050 to be contained with SCP-1845 were denied.
SC. 6- ALVIN AND THE SQUIRREL MONKS

Addenda- Observations.
The following documents are transcripts of incidents and conversations within SCP-2050

SCP-2050 Observation 1:

The following incident was observed by the official Foundation envoy when two members of SCP-2050 (both of House Bushtail) encountered a group of 4 laboratory rats that were introduced for testing purposes.

SFX- Video begins, lab ambiance.

SCP-2050-4
Look, brother! Over there! Heretics!

SCP-2050-131
Why, yes, I do believe that you are right, good sir. Quick, draw your blade.

SCP-2050-4
They look rather sickly, don't they?

SCP-2050-131
Steel yourself, brother. They are heretics nonetheless. Into the fray! For the Order!
( battle cries and efforts as they attack)

SCP-2050-4
For the Order!
( battle cries and efforts as they attack)

NARRATOR 2
SCP-2050-4 and SCP-2050-131 proceed to draw their weapons and attack the laboratory rats. The rats attempt to retaliate, but are unable to penetrate the armor. The rats quickly flee.

SCP-2050-131
(satisfied)
Amen, brother. Say, is that an acorn over yonder?
SFX- Video ends
NARRATOR 2
SCP-2050 Incident Report.

The following report of a meeting led by SCP-2050-2, SCP-2050-3, and SCP-2050-4 has been included for its observations on SCP-2050 inner politics.

SFX- Squirrel round table. Castlesque ambiance.
SCP-2050-2
Settle down, brothers, settle down. Now, the first topic of the day is the reports that I've been receiving regarding….honor duels.

SCP-2050-3
Yes, those Acornfist cowards have run up and complained, have they? Dirty red lot.

SCP-2050-4
Oh really, Bushtail? I heard about your silly little brother. Fell out of a tree, or something of the sort? Killed by a ghost hawk?

SCP-2050-3
Better dead than an Acornfist.

SCP-2050-4
Take that back, you vagabond! I dare say, take that back this instant!

SCP-2050-2
Quiet! Peace, brothers, peace. We are all squirrel-brethren here. Remember our true enemy- the heretics, not each other.

SCP-2050-3
A heretic has better manners than these uncouth Acornfist scum.

SCP-2050-4
No more of these lowborn insults! Taste my wrath, Bushtail fiend!
(RODENT BATTLE CRY)

SCP-2050-3
(efforts as he is tackled)

SFX- RODENT MAYHEM. Video ends.
NARRATOR 2
At this point, the meeting dissolved into a brawl within SCP-2050. Several SCP-2050-1 instances were injured, and SCP-2050-4 was witnessed severing SCP-2050-3's ear through the use of his teeth.

SCP-2050-1-58 Interview Log:
The official Foundation envoy attempted to interview a member of SCP-2050 to obtain more information surrounding the Order.

SFX- Log begins.
SCP-2050-3
What's it that you want, fur-less one?

ENVOY
Hello, SCP-2050-3. Could you tell me more about your organization?

SCP-2050-3
The Order? We're a proud lot, we are. Formed way back, generations ago. Some fur-less pope of yours stated that all were supposed to journey and fight the heretics. Declared that our great order was on a mission from above.

ENVOY
And you responded to this call?

SCP-2050-3
'Course. You fur-less lot seem like you know what you're going on about. We didn't know about any fur-less heretics though, so we took our only enemies: those damned rats. Fur or fur-less, all heretics deserve what's coming to them.

ENVOY
I see. What religion is it that you follow?

SCP-2050-3
(Never thought about it)
Um. It's about… uh… being good and what-not? I dunno, never occurred to me. I was told that if I kill enough heretics, I get rewarded, and go to heaven. Say, do you think that there are acorns in heaven?

ENVOY
I wouldn't know.